Moving on after a heartbreak
When should you pull the plug on a relationship?
By Conchita Razon Philippine Daily Inquirer
The party’s over, it’s time to call it a day. They’ve burst your pretty balloon, and taken the moon away…”
You could stay in that moon-less party all alone and lonely, hoping to patch up the old balloon… or you could choose to dry up your tears and leave it all behind. What should you do? Go to another party? I don’t think so.
Getting over heartbreak is all about your attitude. You can choose life, or you can drown in self pity and wither away.
But how does one move on?
Moving on is a simple thing they say. What it leaves behind is hard.
Picking up the pieces is excruciating. Each little fragment of what used to be bears the indelible imprint of the touch, echoes of the voice, and shadows of the face and form of the one we lost.
Some learn to find comfort in their unbearable by hanging on. They play victim, martyr and saint with such gusto, convinced that holding on is a sign of strength. They don’t know that there is incredible strength and courage in letting go.
When should you pull the plug on a relationship? Aside from the usual reasons, one important cause would be discovering that your beloved is your priority, but you are merely an option. Do something before you are taken hostage by your emotions.
Some people choose to stay in a bad relationship because ending it would bring drastic change. It would mean leaping into the unknown. They fear being alone. They foresee more pain, even deeper than the agony they now suffer. And so they stay, for all the wrong reasons. They choose to live in the shadows to lick their wounds.
Some of us love to wallow. We cry fresh tears over stale stories. We tell anyone who cares to listen what happened, how it happened and why. Many times, we take the blame.
Many of us go to bereavement seminars. We gravitate toward support groups and this may help. But no one can do it for you. To stop smoking, you must really want to quit. In a breakup, you must really want to move on.
Talking and reading about it, and having lunch and dinner with other broken hearted people may help you focus. But you alone must take one baby step, and the second, and then another, keeping steady on your course.
It is amusing to watch how celebrities (here and abroad) think that walking into a media event on the arm of someone new indicates he or she has “moved on.” A new partner does not mean you are over the hump. A long list of potential lovers is like old scenery on an empty stage. It may do something for your public persona, but when the music stops blaring and the lights go out, reality kicks in. You are alone with your thoughts. You are helpless in your pain. Booze then?Drugs later? God forbid!
After your relationship has taken a dive, being alone for a period of time may just be your best choice. You need to hear yourself think. What does your heart say? You may discover that much of that time will be spent on your knees. A lot of prayer is involved.
Do not dwell on what if, or I should have, or I could have. Don’t knock yourself down. Did you give too much? Or too little? It does not matter anymore. Lessons are learned. Turn the page.
Whether your grief is caused by a death or divorce, or if someone walked out on you, or you packed your bags and left, loss is acutely painful, irreparable for some, inconsolable for all. So let that pain wash all over you and be done with it. Let the bitterness flow out of your system. It’s over. Finished. Face the facts and move on.
Personally, I believe moving on is nothing short of a miracle. It really happens. Suddenly after all the sighing and crying, you find your heart again. And it is whole. And it is beautiful.
Moving on means getting to a place in life where you can look back, remember and rejoice. There are no regrets.
By God’s grace, today I don’t cry because it’s over. I can smile because it happened.
